Happy Six Monthiversary To Me!

"Just know you're not alone

'cause I'm gonna make this place your home."

Six months.

Half a year. 

183 days.

It's incredible how that can feel like a huge amount of time, yet also feel like merely a drop in the bucket. 

My life has done a complete 180 in that 183 days. Sure, I knew that moving here would be good for me, but I could never, NEVER anticipate that it would be this good. 

I've changed - emotionally, physically, and spiritually. So many worries and stresses that I held to for so long have crumbled and fallen away. Here, I'm finally beginning to feel like myself...and learning that I really do like myself. In fact, I'm a pretty freaking awesome person. 

When I was back in the States over Easter holiday it was made very clear to me that moving was the right decision. While I love my family and friends, I felt no connection there. It was stifling and uncomfortable. I longed to be back in the sunshine, where I can see the water and waves every day, where we greet strangers with a smile and a good morning, where I can feel like I'm living my life for me. Finally.

Six months ago, I was terrified. I'm a creature of habit and a control freak; I like to know what's coming next. This move has shown me that while I may not have completely relinquished those characteristics, I have greatly diminished them and am learning to enjoy and embrace the unknown. 

183 days ago, I couldn't run a mile straight without stopping. Last week, I ran 2 and could have kept going. Had to pee, oops. I had never donned a scuba tank. Today, I started my rescue diver course and completed my 22nd dive. Looking back at pictures from a year and two years ago the other night made me cry. Physically, I'm a completely different person...and I LOVE it. Finally, I'm learning how to love and honor my body. Although I might have gotten a little too much sun on my dive today. Oopsy poopsy! Eventually I'll learn.

Half a year ago, I thought I'd stay out of the country for two years, maybe five. Last week when I was painfully saying goodbye to my sister at the airport, I hugged her and said, "You know I'm not coming back, right?" She said she did, that she had expected it. 

Countless people who knew me pre-BVI tell me they've never seen me happier. It sounds silly to some, I'm sure, but I am constantly crowing about how happy and healthy and settled I am here. For once, it all just feels right. 

Do I still struggle? Hell yes. The past few weeks have been rough, I won't lie. Between a few situational stressors (boy problems, body issues, anxiety about going back to the States, blah blah) and just a general depression downswing there have been a lot of tears and self-doubt. But! I'm bouncing back out of it much faster and with more confidence then I would have six months ago. Life here isn't perfect; we do have shitty weather now and again, we have bills to pay, we have responsibilities. Moving here didn't mean giving up on being a grown up. It meant disconnecting from all the assumptions and parameters I felt had been placed on me and living a life that I built, that I wanted, for which I'm entirely responsible. 

People tell me I'm lucky. Yes, luck had a bit to do with me coming to Tortola. But you know what was really responsible? Me. Hard work. Perserverence. Faith. Support and encouragement. And, a healthy dose of insanity. 

So, Happy Six Months to me. Happy Half A Year of a brand new life. Happy 183 Days of new opportunities. Here's to many, many more.

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

After a ferry ride, a taxi ride, and two lengthy flights that left my bum quite sore, I successfully made it back to SeaTac last night...and we arrived almost an hour ahead of schedule! Minus the little sh*t that was kicking my seat and being completely obnoxious during the flight from St. Thomas to JFK

Leavin' on a jet plane.

(normally I'm very understanding about kiddos on flights. However, this kid was old enough to know better AND his parents were doing nothing about his poor behaviour. I had to give him the stink eye and the Stern Adult Voice a few times. Darn whippersnappers.) my flights were easy peasy. Also, I was drugged. That might have helped. Through it all I was operating on about 2 hours of sleep and very frazzled nerves, but once I saw my sister waiting for me at baggage claim I knew that everything was going to be alright. Yes, I cried. I'm super emotional right now, ok?!

I'm currently bundled up on my parent's couch and watching a glorious sunrise, as my body thinks it is 3 hours earlier than it is here in Spanaway. In the nearly 6 months I've been on Tortola I have definitely become an island girl. I was shivering and my teeth were chattering when I stepped off the plane last night, and I slept in a tshirt, hooded sweatshirt, yoga pants, and thick pink fuzzy socks (borrowed from Mom) under 2 comforters. IT'S EFFING COLD, GUYS. Holy moly.

I get lots of compliments on my button.

The past two weeks have been rough. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. For a variety of reasons. This trip off the rock could not have come at a better time. In no way am I unhappy being in Tortola. If anything, living there is what is helping me to keep my sanity. I'm just...dealing with some crap on a few different levels and I needed a break to recharge a bit. I'm so lucky to have such supportive friends who will lift me up and help to remind me of what a flipping awesome person I am, even when I don't
feel one iota of awesomeness. I love that I can send out a text late on a Thursday night when I've had my heart broken and get instant rallying of the troops. Or that my boss can just look at me and know I'm not alright, and insist on doing work on me (that was so, SO incredibly helpful!). Or that when one of my dearest girlfriends asks me how my day was I can honestly respond with, "Well, I came home from work, got in the shower and cried, then got straight in bed and cried for two hours until I passed out," without fear of judgement. Or that my guy friends constantly remind me how great I am and how I deserve nothing but the best.  Between my friends and being with my family this weekend, I think I'll arrive back home on Tortola feeling about 1000 times better. At least I hope. I'm putting on my big girl panties, squaring my shoulders, and not letting anyone or anything piss in my Cheerios.

Today's agenda, once my sister wakes up, is to hit the mall (OMG THE MALL!) so I can begin my massive shopping spree and then we have an appointment to pick up my sister's wedding dress this afternoon!

It's A Party In The USA!

I'm heading back to the States on Good Friday for my first trip back since moving here nearly 6 months ago. It will be a very short trip, as I get in late Friday night and leave again on a red-eye the following Tuesday night, but it's necessary for little sister's wedding prep and planning and I get to celebrate Easter with the fam. Not to mention, I need to get off the rock for a few days and recharge!

Things I Am Looking Forward To When I Go Back To The States Over Easter

• My family.
• SISTER TIME. Holy Jesus, I miss her so much.
• Easter! It's my favorite. Hopefully going to my home church, dying eggs, celebrating the Resurrection and what it means to me...I love it!
• Beester. Kids have eggs hidden for Easter, adults have beer hidden for Beester. That's how we roll.
• Costco. Tampons, deodorant, razor blades, contact solution, bandages, a giant tub of ketchup if I want it! 
• TARGET. I just want to wander through the aisles because I can.
• Trader Joe's. Need to stock up on more of their shave cream. It's my faaaaavorite and I'm almost through the last of my supply. 
• Starbucks iced soy chai. 
• Clothes shopping. Honest to God, I have not a single bra that fits properly (and finding one on island has proven to be a challenge), my underwear are all falling off my ass, my jeans are too big, my tops are getting too big, everything is getting worn down, my bathing suits are falling apart or are too big...sense a theme? I need more shorts and tops, I need more dresses, I need more of my goofy toe Injinji running socks. Now that I've been here awhile I have a better idea of what my wardrobe should look like.  I'm planning a MAJOR shopping spree while I have multiple venues to choose from!
• Snuggling all the pets. I miss having one terribly. :(
• Seeing Jenni.
• Seeing Jenni and having breakfast at the Sunbreak Cafe with her, where I will indulge in the best banana bread on the planet. My mouth waters just thinking about it. Mmm.
• Stopping by my old spa, seeing my girls, and stocking up on fantastic product. I'm such a girl.
• Picking up my sister's wedding dress with her. Oh, there will be more tears shed.
• Trying on the bridesmaids dress that I ordered. 
• Wedding planning in general!
• My mom's cooking. Hoo boy. Pot roast, meatloaf, Ma's deviled eggs, aebleskiver, whatever feast we're going to have at Easter. All of it. She and my sister are amazing. My talents lie in other arenas.
• Dick's burgers (yes, it's a legit place in Seattle. Get your mind out of the gutter)!
• Being able to be outside without being eaten alive by mozzies. This is said as I'm sitting in the Most Comfortable Lounge Chair EVER on my patio, smacking myself like a meth head. 
• Mount Rainier.
• Legendary Donuts. Bill Cosby! Auburn/Tacoma peeps, you know what I mean. 
• Self service gas stations.
• Having a week to rest my hands.
• Showing off my island tan and my changing island body. 
• 4 days of completely hectic insanity with the most important people in my life. 

Things I Am NOT Looking Forward To When I Go Back To The States Over Easter:

• The airport pat-down and rigamarole. 
• Freeways.
• Multilane traffic.
• Driving on the right again. My poor confused brain!
• Not having Ed, our beloved cat who passed at New Year's Eve, to snuggle. :(
• Gray, cold, drizzly, miserable, depressing, awful rain. You can tell how I really feel about Washington weather. 
• Billboards and aggressive marketing all up in my face all the time.
• American media. I'm really only subjected to it here when I'm in line at the bank. 
• Having to wear shoes. It's been nearly 6 months, but my sister will murder me if I try to wear my flip-flops the whole time I'm there.
• Speaking of...I don't even HAVE a pair of proper Seattle-appropriate shoes to wear! Crap...
• Having to wear sweaters and coats. 
• Being cold. 
• Potentially gaining like 10lbs due to the outrageous food consumption. I'm going to have to be careful and get my ass on the treadmill or hit the pavement as much as possible. 
• Overstimulation. My life here is much more laid back, and I like that. 
• Having to switch back out of "island time". 
• Time zone changes and how zonked I'm going to be because of them.
• Bra shopping. As much as I NEED them, I'd rather have a root canal sans anesthetic than bra shop. Fo sho.
• Missing the important people in my life here on the island.
• Not having enough time to see all the people I want to see. 
• Saying goodbye when it's time to head back to Tortola. 

Just one more week! 

Happy Friday from sunny Tortola!

A little inspiration to start the weekend off right. Oh, except that I work on Saturdays. :) Well, TGIF for the rest of you!

Every Little Thing Is Gonna Be Alright

I am feeling MUCH better this morning following:

• A chat with my bosom buddy Yvonne
• A pep talk from my roommate
• A sweet, if not juvenile, romantic comedy (Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist)
• A good amount of tears
• A half a bottle of riesling 

The glass truly is half full and I can not lose sight of that. Also, I knew moving here that I would meet transitional characters. That does not mean, however, that great things can't happen. Look at my friendship with Yvonne! She was just down here on holiday, and now I consider her one of my closest friends. 

Me and Yvonne, New Year's Eve. Awww yeeeahhh.

As my mama said to me last night, "It's ok to have an open heart." Boy, if that doesn't describe me to a T I don't know what does. So, I'm just going to keep on keepin' on and see what the future holds, and be grateful for the people that this island brings into my life - whether it be for good or just for a little while. 

Oops I Did It Again

I have *got* to stop falling for people who don't live here, either romantically or as friends. You'd think I'd learn my lesson. Apparently not!

My heart is a bit sad today. Gotta put on my big girl panties and deal. Maybe some day I will be more than just a temporary piece in someone's life, but today isn't that day. S'all good. Make the best of the time you do have, right?

It might be a wine drinkin' kind of night out in Pockwood Pond.

Three Months! What?!

Yesterday marked three months since I started this new chapter of my life here on Tortola. CRAZY, right? In some ways it feels like I arrived yesterday. Yet in others, I feel as though I've been here much, much longer.

I'm quite settled here. When I'm working, I work very hard. When I'm NOT working, I'm actually enjoying my off time. Every day I become a little more familiar with the island and it's ways. Everyday I wake up happy. What an amazing feeling!

The most monumental discovery is that the States no longer feels like "home". Last week I was Facebook chatting with one of my dearest friends back in Washington and she asked if I missed anything about home. I explained that I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss some of the conveniences that living in the States affords...but that's not my home anymore. Never have I felt more comfortable and at home then I do here on Tortola. Will this remain my permanent home? I have no idea. Maybe, maybe not. I do know that I have little desire to return to the US. There is no urge to go home; I AM home.

Some reflections on my first three months (and first holidays) here on island:

• Bugs are still eating me. UGH. It's better, but I'm still being feasted upon. I am being more diligent about applying protection (Avon Skin So Soft!) and have started taking a B vitamin complex again. Damn bugs.

Kyrie, dive instructor extraordinaire!

• I'm an open water certified scuba diver! My buddies at Blue Water Divers have been amazing teachers and I have completely fallen in love with diving. Kyrie and Rupert convinced me to go on with my advanced certification, which I've started. I'll finish that up in a month or so, then just fun dive for experience for a few months before I go on to rescue diver. Again, add this to the list of things I never thought I'd be doing.

• Next up - surfing and sailing!

• I broke the cardinal rule of living in a holiday destination; I fell for someone who doesn't live here. Met this great man (on the dive boat. YAY DIVING!), had an incredible week together, and then he flew back home. Womp woooomp. :( Story of my daaaaaaaamn life, I tell ya. Who knows what will happen though, right? Or maybe I should start adopting my 50 cats...

• The plus side was that I was able to play tour guide to someone who'd never been here! I was pretty proud of myself that I could give a "local" experience to him and that he got to see the island in ways he'd not have on his own. 

• Christmas was AMAZING. On Christmas Eve I worked, then had dinner with my coworker Courtney and our friend Jim up at Bananakeet (btw, delicious calamari). We followed that up by heading down to Carrot Bay and celebrating with the locals there at a roadside bar. They were playing music and we danced in the street and drank guavaberry wine. I loved every second of it. Afterward I sat in my car and did a Google Hangout with the family back in WA, where my sister proudly flaunted her aebelskiver in my face, then drove down to Cane Garden Bay to walk on the beach and get my feet wet and have some quiet talk-to-God time there. 

Christmas Day on Marina Cay

• Christmas Day I went out to Marina Cay to spend the afternoon with my roommate Rob as he was stuck out there for work. It was a lovely day and very low-key. That evening I went out to CGB to my friend Charles' house for a delicious and festive dinner with some of my very favorite people here on the island. On my way home, I again stopped at the beach in Cane. Standing there in the dark, looking up at the stars, feeling the waves crash against my legs...I knew there was no place I'd rather be.

• Boxing Day (the day after Christmas, for my US friends) I nursed a hangover and then promptly drank again with my friends after finding out some upsetting news. That's what friends do; they get you drunk at a beach bar when you find out your exhusband is engaged to a woman he's known 3 months and you feel like a complete loser. And when they are not in the same time zone, they text you repeatedly to check on you and remind you how much better your life is without that dude. Thank God for them!

• I made fast friends with an amazing woman...who doesn't live here. GOOD JOB, STEPH. But! She comes down frequently and we are pretty much connected at the hip now. We had so much fun together. I miss her already. Sad face. Is it March yet?

• Who saw Shaggy in concert? This girl! 

• Who went to Jost Van Dyke to celebrate New Year's at Foxy's with 8 bajillion others at one of the biggest NYE parties in the world AND kissed a handsome Aussie at our own made up midnight since we missed the countdown? This girl! 

• Finally bought a bathroom scale the other day, and even after the debauchery of the holidays - and let me tell you, there was some serious debauchery - I'm officially down 23 lbs since I moved here! I've been off my workouts the past 2-3 weeks (gah, holidays) and now the gym is full of Resolutioners so I'm sticking to workouts outside of the gym until February or so. I tell ya, this island has been good to me in *so* many ways. 

• I weathered my first family drama from 4000 miles apart when we lost our beloved cat Ed on New Year's Eve. She was 18 and the greatest cat you could ever ask for. I did get to see her over the intertubes and say goodbye, but I did, and still do, feel the guilt of not physically being there for her and the family. I'm trying not to let it eat me up. This was my choice and I knew that being so far away would mean missing things. 

• I'm joining a choir in a few weeks. The community college has a community chorale that is quite good, and I'm looking forward to singing again and meeting more people. 

• I feel like I've lived more in the last 3 months than I have in the last 3 years. I'm doing new things! And meeting new people! And having a blast! Wooooo!

• I'm getting more brave when it comes to killing spiders. This is big news, my friends.

2013, I am welcoming you with wide open arms. I can't wait to see what this year brings! If my first three months were this jam packed with fun and new adventures I can't imagine what the next twelve will be like.